My Fault!
by KayBeth13
Summary: It's my fault my Mom died. If I hadn't woken her up that night, Dad, Sammy and Dean wouldn't be haunted by the memory of seeing her die and I wouldn't feel as guilty as I do every time I look at them. *Sister fic*
1. Introduction

_Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or the characters. Deanna is my own character, I just borrowed the name. The actual person though is entirely my own! This is my second sister fics, and has nothing to do with my story Stolen Innocence! Hope you enjoy!_

_November 2__nd__, 1983. Lawrence, Kansas_

It was a relatively normal night. The weather was dry after a week's worth of electrical thunderstorms, and in the Winchester house, everyone was at peace. Mary was asleep in bed, her two sons were both asleep and John had fallen asleep in the lounge whilst watching a baseball game.

Suddenly, the sound of baby Sam's soft cries came over the baby monitor, waking Mary up from her sleep. She instantly reacted and climbed out of bed to see to him, but something stopped her as she reached her bedroom door. Her mind went back to a night ten years ago, the night the yellow eyed demon killed her parents and John, and she had made the deal to bring John back. In her mind, she thought of the date; it was exactly ten years ago to the day. She then remembered the man that had warned her, no, _begged_ her to not go into the nursery on the 2nd November 1983.

Though Sam was still crying, Mary forced herself to move over to the baby monitor and switch it off, so that all she could hear were his very muffled cries. She lay down on the bed, fighting the impulse to go into his nursery and forced herself to close her eyes. Half an hour later, all was silent once again as Sam cried himself back to sleep and Mary too fell asleep once more.

_January 1__st__, 1986. Lawrence, Kansas_

"Come on Dean, hurry up!" an excited Sam called as he bounced down the corridor ahead of his brother and dad.

John chuckled at his three year old son's antics. He looked behind him to find Dean reluctantly dragging himself down the corridor, his head down, facing the floor.

"Dean, you ok buddy?"

"Yeah dad." the seven year old replied.

John sighed, but understood Dean's attitude. He had only been to a hospital four times in his life, and each time it had been because someone had either died or was extremely ill. There was the time Mary had severe food poisoning, when Dean himself had fallen ill, and twice where friends of the family had passed away, so the fact that they were in a hospital only made Dean worry that something bad was going to happen. John smiled to himself, knowing full well that the moment he saw that everything was ok and nothing bad was going to be happening, there would be no stopping the smile on his face.

The entered the room quietly, and Mary gave them all a sleepy smile as she greeted them. The two boys stood near the doorway, neither one sure about what they should be doing. When the blanket in her arms began to move though and a tiny cry filled the room, Dean immediately stepped forward. He stood on the chair that John placed next to the bed and peered down at the tiny face in front of him that was scrunched up. He reached out and touched a soft cheek, and immediately, the baby's face straightened out again. A huge grin lit up Dean's face and he looked up at his mom, his green eyes shining brightly.

"What's its name?" He asked.

"What _is_ it?" Came Sam's small voice form his place by the door.

Mary, John and Dean all laughed at his innocence and John quickly picked Sam up so that he could see. As soon as he too saw the little face in front of him, understanding crossed his young features and he smiled.

"Boys, this is your new baby sister. Say hello to Deanna Louise Winchester"

"Hello Deanna, I'm gonna love you lots and lots" squeaked Sam.

"Me too, little sis. Just remember, I'm the better brother" Dean said.

John leant over and kissed Mary before placing a soft kiss on his daughter's forehead.

"I love you, my baby girl"

_June 1__st__ 1986. Lawrence, Kansas_

Mary was woken by the sounds of her daughter grizzling. She got out of bed, making sure not to disturb John and made her way to the nursery. After making sure that Deanna was fed and had fallen back to sleep, she made her way back to her bedroom, stopping to quickly check on the two boys.

She opened the door as quietly as she could, but the sight that greeted her made her freeze in shock. Standing over Sam's bed was a man, but Mary knew full well that John was in bed asleep at that moment. The man turned to face her, and as she saw the flash of yellow in his eyes, she gasped.

"You! What are you doing in my house?!"

He didn't answer her, just flicked his wrist and the next thing she knew, Mary found herself being dragged up to the ceiling. She didn't want her children to be woken up, but she knew she had to do something, so she screamed. Dean immediately woke, and when he saw what was happening, the first thing he did was call for John and grab Sam, dragging him out of the room, despite the fact that the recently turned four year old was still half asleep and kept tripping over his small feet. John raced into the room, but everything was normal, making him wonder exactly what was going on. He moved out into the hallway to find Dean saying something about a monster. John shook his head and ordered his sons back to bed, but something dropping onto the carpet in their room stopped him. He looked up to find Mary staring at him in fear, pinned to the wall, her stomach slashed.

"Mary!" he screamed.

He stepped forwards and a single tear fell from one of Marys' eyes before flames burst around her, completely engulfing her. John tried to do something, but he just couldn't and ended up telling Dean to get Sam out of the house. Dean pushed Sam towards the stairs.

"Sammy, run."

Sam did as he was told and Dean ran to the nursery, reaching over and grabbing his baby sister. John ran into the room too at that moment and just managed to grab his children and run out of the house, also catching Sam in his already full arms as he ran. They barely made it out before an explosion shook the house, destroying the upstairs floor where the whole family had been just seconds before. Deanna began to scream in her brothers arms, and Dean quickly held her to calm her, his mind visualising his mother dying over and over again until he felt he was about to explode.

An hour later, what was left of the Winchester family were sitting on the hood of the Impala, John holding Deanna, Sam curled up asleep on one side of him and Dean curled up on his other side. John knew something unnatural did that to his wife, and in his mind, he knew who the best person was to speak to; an old friend of his from his younger days that went by the name of Bobby Singer.


	2. Visiting isn't always fun

19 Years Later, Los Angeles, California

Deanna shut the book with a frustrated huff before pushing it away from her and letting her head drop forward so that it was resting on the table in front of her. She heard a deep chuckle from behind her and turned her head slightly to the side to give her dad a small yet tired smile.

"Having fun there honey?" John Joked

"Haha, you're so not funny dad. This research is rubbish, I'm getting absolutely nowhere with it yet I've been going for a good five hours now!"

John chuckled again and smiled warmly at her, making sure that she knew that he appreciated the effort she was putting into researching. He threw his truck keys onto the table and they bumped into her arm with a small clatter. Deanna lifted her head up further and gave him a questioning look when he also threw a hundred dollars her way too.

"Umm?" She asked, not needing to finish her question as she knew John would know what she wanted to ask already.

"Take a break. We're in L.A so go out, spend some money to buy some new things and have some fun. Just don't go near any bars young lady."

Deanna smirked and stood up, grabbing the keys and money and kissing John's cheek in thanks as she disappeared out the door. For a moment, she was tempted to sneak into a bar using her fake I.D, but it would be just typical that not only would she pick the one where she'd find Dean, but that he would also see her, and that would just screw her over for the next millenium as she tried to persuade her dad and brother that she could be trusted again. She didn't feel up for shopping, and for a few moments, she cut the engine of the truck to decide what she wanted to do. Suddenly, a thought came to her and she slapped her forehead for not thinking of it sooner before starting the truck up again and heading in the opposite direction to the city center. Before long, she found herself pulling into Stanford University campus and quickly hopped out of the truck, stopping a brunette female to ask if she knew where the dorms were. Fortunately, the girl did know and pointed her in the right direction. Deanna thanked her and ran off and before long, found herself standing outside a dormitory bedroom door. It was then that the nerves hit her and she began to doubt her decision, but then decided 'To Hell with it' and knocked on the door with a slightly shaking hand.

A few seconds later, there was a sound coming from the door that sounded like footsteps. Not long after that, the door was opened and a tall, beautiful blonde woman stood there.

"Can I help you?" She asked.

Deanna cleared her throat, suddenly feeling nervous, and hoping that she hadn't just knocked on the wrong door.

"Umm, does Sam Winchester live here?" she asked timidly.

The blonde smiled before turning round.

"Sam! There's somebody here to see you!"

"Be one minute!" Was the response.

Deanna's heart leapt, and ignoring the woman, she couldn't contain her happiness as she rushed into the house, towards the direction of the voice. She stopped in a living room, and there stood Sam in the middle of it with his back towards her. She swallowed again and pushed back the tears of happiness.

"Hi Sammy"

Sam turned round so fast, he almost tripped over and Deanna forced herself to not giggle at the surprise on his usually calm face.

"Deanna?! Wh..what're you doing here?"

"Hello to you too bro"

"Are dad and Dean here?"

"Nope, just me. Dada and Dean are in L.A. Dad gave me a break, the truck keys and some money, so I decided to come and see you."

Sam took a few seconds to process the information, and when it finally registered, he stepped forwards and engulfed her in a bear hug. She hugged back with equal enthusiasm, and when they pulled apart, she didn't even try to hide the fact that she was crying, as she was fully aware that he would see straight through her if she were to try and cover it up. Sam looked towards the woman who had entered the room, and suddenly his face turned serious and his whole attitude changed.

"You really shouldn't be here you know. If dad finds out you were here, he'll kill you. Not to mention that Dean would kill you for not bringing him."

"But Sam, it's been so long. You don't even call anymore! What's with that anyway huh?"

The last thing she wanted was to have an argument with her brother, but she couldn't believe what he was saying, and in true Winchester fashion, this led her argumentative streak leaking through her usually composed surface. She watched as Sam sighed in frustration, which only caused her own anger to spike as she folded her arms and gave him a look that told him she was waiting for an answer.

"Look, I kept in touch for a few months, then suddenly, every time I rang, either nobody answered or cut me off as soon as they could. I just assumed you guys didn't care anymore."

Deanna stepped back as if she'd been slapped, and Sam immediately regretted what he had just said.

"Well, I'll leave then" Deanna whispered and started walking towards the front door.

Just as she reached it and grasped the handle, Sam's voice stopped her.

"Deanna, I didn't mean it"

"Whatever Sam. I just thought that it would be nice to see you again after nearly a year of no contact with you. I'm glad you're doing okay, and I'm proud of you, but since you assume I don't care about you when it's obvious I do by the fact that I've broken abut 5000 rules to be here, there's no point in me staying. Have a great life Sam."

That was the first time she'd ever called him Sam. All her life she'd never called him anything other than Sammy, and to hear her use his proper name filled Sam with guilt and sadness. He reached a hand out to her, but she was gone before he could touch her, leaving him clutching at an empty space. Deanna ran through the building and virtually threw herself back into the truck, pulling out of the campus as fast as she dared. It wasn't until she was out on the main road that she pulled to one side and finally let her emotions cave in on her.

A couple of hours later, she pulled in front of the motel, immediately noticing that the Impala wasn't there but there were lights on. She parked up and saw one of the blinds twitch, telling her it was Dean. If it was John, she wouldn't have even noticed him watching her. Dean however, wasn't so subtle. In fact, at times, he was about as subtle as a flying brick hitting you in the face. As she stepped into the room, Dean greeted her with a small wave, but she physically couldn't wave back. Instead, she just walked up to him and dropped onto his lap, wrapping her arms round his neck as she breathed in his familiar scent.

"Hey, what's up?" Dean asked.

In a muffled voice due to her head being buried in his jacket, Deanna told him about the days events. At first Dean was annoyed with her for doing something she knew their dad wouldn't approve of, but by the time she finished, and fresh tears were falling from her eyes, he had forgiven her, and sat there gently rubbing her back as she eventually cried herself to sleep.

"Oh Sammy. Someday I'm gonna kill you for this" He mumbled half heartedly to himself.

When John walked in later that night, he wasn't surprised to see Dean and Deanna lying on a bed, curled round each other fast asleep. He was however surprised that lying on the table next to his truck keys was the $100 that he'd given Deanna. He was also surprised to see that when he looked closer at her, she had been crying. Normally, John would've woken her to find out what had happened, but at that moment, he could see that Dean had handled it, so this once, he decided to let it slide, and after checking the salt lines, he collapsed on the other bed, his thoughts filled with memories of the days before hunting came into their lives.


	3. Worry

_Sorry it's a bit late, but here's the next installment!_

The following morning, Deanna woke to find that Dean was in the kitchenette attempting to cook pancakes. Unfortunately for him, it wasn't going too well. He had a streak of batter on his face and his face looked very dishevelled. Deanna let out a small giggle and Dean turned to face her with a mock scowl.

"Yeah yeah, you laugh kiddo. Let's see if you're still laughing after these things poison you because you didn't help me" he teased.

Deanna snorted and rolled her eyes before dragging herself out of bed and moving sluggishly over to her brother's side and retrieving the spatula from his hands. She still felt upset over the events from the day before, but in typical Winchester fashion, she just kept it locked inside of her and pushed herself to continue on as if nothing had happened. She wiped her eyes and continued making the pancakes, sending Dean a silent thank you as he disappeared out of the room to give her space. Once the pancakes were complete, she called to let Dean know breakfast was ready and he responded by bouncing into the room with a wide smile. He gave her a sloppy kiss on the cheek before grabbing his plate from her hand and dropping onto the sofa with a goofy grin on his face the whole time. Deanna rolled her eyes and moved over to the empty seat on the sofa with a lot less energy than her older brother and as he scoffed his food down at an unbelievable speed, she ate with much less vigour. By the time Dean finished, Deanna had only eaten half a pancake and ended up giving the rest to him as she just couldn't face eating at that moment.

John entered the room as Deanna was in the middle of washing the dishes. Nobody spoke to each other, Dean nodded his head in welcome and Deanna simply smiled and jabbed a soaking wet knife towards the leftover pancakes. John smiled back in return and headed over to them, placing them in the microwave for a minute to heat through. He turned so that he was leaning up against the counter and watched his daughter as she cleaned with a worried frown. He could see the sadness in her eyes and decided to speak up about it.

"Deanna, why do you look so upset?"

Deanna didn't look at him, just continued to wash. She heard John move and thought he was taking the pancakes out of the microwave, but suddenly, his hand was placed on hers and he pushed it down making her put the dish she was holding back into the sink. She turned her gaze up to him and seeing the gentle expression on his face broke her down into sobs. John pulled her into his chest and as she cried, Dean told him what happened. Both Dean and Deanna expected John to fly into a rage, so it was to their immense surprise when he simply sighed and held her tighter. When they pulled apart, John gave her a kiss on the cheek before taking his pancakes out of the microwave and tucking in with a satisfied sigh.

"So, do we have our next hunt yet?" Dean asked.

John nodded and Deanna actually felt a sense of relief. She wanted to get away from California and away from Sam. John finished his mouthful of pancakes before continuing.

"I'm taking Deanna to Jericho to investigate some disturbances there. Dean, you'll be going to New Orleans; apparently there are a lot of people that seem to be going crazy from some sort of illness. I have a feeling that it's voodoo but you should investigate it."

Both Dean and Deanna looked up at him in shock.

"We're separating?" Deanna asked.

"You're letting me go alone?" Dean asked.

John chuckled and nodded.

"Yes to both questions. Dean, I know you're more than capable of handling it alone. Deanna, I'd rather let your brother go alone this time so you'll be with me. That okay baby girl?"

Deanna shrugged.

"It's not like I have a choice" she said, but the smile on her face as she said it told John she was just joking.

"Okay it's settled. Deanna and I will leave in a couple of hours. Dean, you can leave whenever."

"Okay dad" they answered in unison.

Dean ended up leaving the same time as his dad and sister. Deanna felt saddened that he was leaving, but she knew he was going to come back so she didn't let her thoughts stay saddened for very long. It didn't take long for them to reach Jericho, and John was quick to settle in and get started on the case. Looking at the pile of evidence in front of her, Deanna let out a sigh, knowing it was going to be a long hunt.

...

Dean groaned as his cell's ringtone woke him from his amazing dream; one where he was actually seeing more action than he had been doing recently. He flipped it open without bothering to check the caller display.

"What" he snapped tiredly.

"Dean" came a small shaking voice.

This caught Dean's attention and he sat up, pressing the cell closer to his ear.

"Deanna? What's wrong?"

"Dad. He vanished. He went out about two weeks ago and hasn't been back yet." She responded.

"What! Why the hell didn't you call me sooner?" Dean snapped.

"Dad told me not to! You know just as well as I do that when he vanishes we have to give it two weeks before acting!" Deanna yelled.

Dean could tell by the way she spoke that she was probably trying to keep herself together and instantly his big brother instincts kicked in. Staying on the cell, he got up and started dressing.

"I hate to say it Dee, but we're going to need Sammy's help on this one."

The line went silent and Dean began to think that his sister had cut him off. However, just as he was about to ask if she was still there, Deanna spoke again.

"Okay. I need to apologise for the other week anyway. How about I meet you at his? I can get there in the morning and stay with him if he'll put up with me that is."

"I'm sure he will. Knowing him, he's forgiven you. He always does."

Deanna let out a small chuckle.

"I guess so. I'll call him in the morning."

"Okay, sure. Well, I'll be there in a few days. You sure you're gonna be okay sis?"

"Yeah. I'm a big girl Deanie"

"Stop calling me that"

Deanna giggled and said goodbye to Dean before cutting the call. She flopped down onto her bed and as she thought of her family she felt more tears well up. Sammy was at college, Dean was in New Orleans and her dad was who-knows-where. At that moment, Deanna felt completely alone and found herself once again wishing that her mother was still alive. At least then they would have just been an average family with none of these problems. She stood up and began to pack her things, mumbling to herself when she initially couldn't find her second favourite jacket and then remembered that she had left it in her dads room, which was locked and she wasn't in the mood to break in. She hadn't stepped foot in his room since he left, deciding it would probably be best is she left it for Dean to handle.

The following morning, Deanna checked out of the motel and spent the morning between trains and buses, the whole time trying to call Sam, who didn't answer a single call. When she reached his apartment and the blonde woman from before answered the door, informing her that Sam was in lectures, she breathed a sigh of relief knowing that he wasn't just ignoring her calls.

"I'm really sorry about before."

The blonde smiled warmly.

"It's no problem. Come on in, I'm sure Sam will be happy to see you"

Deanna thanked her and walked into the apartment, actually looking around this time and taking in the neat and well kept place, so typically Sam.

"I'm Jessica by the way. We didn't get the chance to introduce ourselves last time."

Deanna gave her an apologetic smile that Jessica returned with another of her warm smiles. Deanna decided that she could accept her. It was clear she loved Sam and was taking care of him and Deanna couldn't have asked for much better. At least Sam was happy. As she thought of Sam, the front door opened and she heard someone come in.

"Hey Je..argh! what the hell!"

Deanna jumped up and rushed out into the hallway, closely followed by Jess to discover Sam sprawled out on the floor after tripping over Deanna's bag that she had left by the door. Jess sarted laughing and Deanna smiled before moving over to him and holding her hand out to him.

"Need some help there gigantor?"

Sam's head snapped up and he looked at Deanna in confusion. Deanna just shrugged and laughed.

"Clearly you don't check your voicemail. I left you about ten telling you I was coming to see you. I partly wanted to apologise and also dad gave me a free weekend so I decided to stay with you if that's okay?"

Sam grabbed her hand and let her help him up. The second he was back on his feet, he pulled Deanna into a bear hug, which she returned with just as much enthusiasm.

"You're always welcome here Deanna. I couldn't turn you away."

Deanna smiled and buried her face in her brother's chest, inhaling his scent. To her, he always smelt of cinnamon and books, and she found it just as comforting as Dean and John's scents too.

"Wait...gigantor?" Sam asked.

"Sammy, have you _seen _yourself? You're HUGE!"

Sam ruffled her hair and suddenly tackled her to the floor, tickling her sides. Deanna squealed and tried to get out of his grips with no success. Jess watched the pair of them with a smile before going into the kitchen to prepare dinner for them all.


	4. Not So Joyous Reunion

_So sorry for the delay! Hope you like it!_

One thing Deanna 'forgot' to tell Sam was the issue of their missing father. She wanted to tell him and _had_ tried to tell him on a number of occasions, but she worried that his reaction would be explosive. In the end she opted out of telling him, so when Dean turned up three nights later and effectively broke into the apartment, sending poor Sam into defence mode, she found herself trying to escape before either of them caught her. Unfortunately for her, Dean saw her trying to slip past them.

"Deanna Louise Winchester, get that scrawny little butt of yours back here right now."

Deanna gulped and cautiously stepped forwards, making sure to stay a safe distance away from her eldest brother. Dean gave her a stern stare and she sighed, realising humour wouldn't save her this time.

"Why didn't you tell Sam about dad?" he asked her, his voice a mixture of anger and disappointment.

Deanna turned to face Sam, only to find he had an expression on his face that mirrored Dean's.

"I'm sorry guys. Sam, every time dad is even mentioned you either blow or you just go really quiet and don't want to know. Then, I completely forgot Dean was coming. I didn't mean to upset you guys."

Dean continued to look at her for a few seconds before sighing and walking back out the front door. Sam gave her a reassuring smile before following. Deanna decided to stay behind for a few minutes, mainly for her own safety and also to let the two men talk. She sat back down on her makeshift bed on the sofa with a soft thump. Jess came into the room and gave her a warm smile.

"So, I take it the reunion didn't go as planned?" she asked.

Deanna shrugged.

"As good as to be expected. I just hate it when they're both annoyed at me but I just didn't know how to bring the subject of dad up in front of Sam; he _hates_dad."

"I'm pretty sure he doesn't hate him. I think he's just a bit upset that he didn't know about his disappearance sooner. After all, it is still his dad and Sam will always worry about and love him"

Deanna gave Jess a large smile. One thing she was quickly learning about Jess was that the older woman had a very good sense of reason and understanding. She was perfect for Sam in every way possible and Deanna had already decided that if Sam was to marry her, she would accept Jess in the family with wide, open arms.

The sound of the door opening pulled Deanna out of her thoughts and she turned her attention to Sam, who had just walked through the door. He looked over at her and she couldn't help but notice that he looked torn. She understood immediately. Sure, he wanted to help find their dad and all, but just like the rest of his family, hunting was a part of him and she knew that there was a likelihood that he might get sucked into the hunting business once again and forget about college and worse, forget Jess. Without saying anything, she quickly got up off the couch and walked up to Sam before wrapping her arms round his waist.

"I'm so sorry Sammy. I wish you didn't have to do this but we really need your help right now"

Sam gave a small sigh but returned his younger sister's embrace.

"It's okay, Dee. And before you ask, I'm not upset with you. I just thought you had more sense than to keep that from me."

To show her he wasn't scolding her, he playfully ruffled her hair and told her to get her stuff ready before disappearing into his room to gather his own things. It didn't take long for Deanna to pack and she moved towards the bedroom to say goodbye to Jess.

"Hey guys. Jess, I just wanted to say thanks for having me and I really hope to see you again soon."

Jess walked over to her and the pair embraced.

"You just look after my man for me, okay?"

Deanna nodded and kissed her on the cheek. She glanced over at Sam who gave her a look that asked her to wait with Dean so he could say goodbye to Jess. Deanna moved back into the living room and picked up her bag before taking one last look around the room. She had only been there a few days, yet it really did feel like a home and she knew she would miss the feeling of being a normal happy family one she was back on the road. She slipped out the front door, but made sure it closed loudly enough so that Sam knew she had gone, and made her way down to Dean. Dean saw her as she walked towards the Impala and wordlessly took her bag off her, indicating for her to get in the car. Deanna gulped. Sam, she knew, had already forgiven her. Dean, not so much. As soon as he slid into the driver's seat, Deanna opened her mouth to speak, but Dean beat her to it.

"Nope. I'm doing the talking."

Her mouth closed as quickly as it had opened and she sank into the back seat, waiting for her punishment to be dealt.

"I'm not going to say anything to spark an argument. Just tell Sam next time, okay?"

Deanna didn't know what to say to that and just nodded. Sam joined the pair of them a few minutes later and slid into the front seat, immediately making Deanna smile to see her family one step closer to being complete once again. She snuggled in the back seat and grinned as the brothers immediately started an argument about what music they would listen to.


End file.
